Sunday Recap | You Don't Hear Me Though

This month Pastor Antonio Matthews is focusing on a Men's Month, and focusing his messages on issues that affect men. While this may be something that hits deeply for men, there are takeaways for both men and women, and it can easily be said that some of these themes impact both genders. But for the purpose of this recap, we'll be addressing the subject matter of the message.

Are you willing to trade your future for a moment? It happened to Esau. In Genesis 25:19 is so hungry (so desperately hungry, in fact he swears he is about to die!) that in a moment of weakness, he sells his birthright to his brother Jacob for a bowl of stew. Most people who have heard that story will sit in judgement because we've all rolled our eyes and thought, "Really, my guy? I've never had stew that good."

But slow down and think about it. What else have you traded in a moment of weakness? Have you traded your peace? Your integrity? Your money? Let's get a little deeper. Have you traded your sobriety? Your fidelity? Hunger (emptiness) will do that to you. Hunger can lead to entrapment. Being led by emptiness leads to being fulfilled by temporary things of the flesh. 

Did you know that between Islam, Judaism, and Christianity, only Islam and Judaism have more men than women who are active in the church? We can see the fallout. More women showing up without their husbands, less spiritual alignment in marriage which leads to challenged relationships overall. But the question is - why are men less active? This has been asked and answered, but the results aren't terribly surprising.

• Absence of integrity in spiritual leadership. Men don't follow other men they can't trust.
• Lack of discipline in spiritual leaders. Even if they don't have it, it inspires men to see a leader who does. They expect it. Integrity and discipline are so important to men when they attend church that when they don't see it, it begins to chip away at their own faith. The Bible tells us to submit to our spiritual leaders because they have to be accountable to God for everything (Hebrews 13:17). So when a man sees a leader in the Church fail, he thinks to himself, "What chance to do I have?"
• Presence of judgement between others. Hypocrisy in the church is a nail in the coffin of spirituality. Jesus spoke often about hypocrisy in the Church. He took issue with the Pharisees who knew the Law so well that they could find loopholes and ways around things that excused their own behavior (Matthew 23:5–7).
• Lack of ministerial relevance. Because the congregation is made up of more women than men, the preacher feels more pressured to cater messages to women, leaving men without a word that truly speaks to their issues or needs. Man was created with needs (Genesis 2:18) and Woman was created to support him. But if that is true, why are there so many messages geared toward women? 

Now that we know why a man avoids church, where does all this avoidance begin?

The answer to THAT is simple: it's in the hard-wiring. Men spend their days fixing. Solving. Providing. Creating. Pouring out of themselves to offer solutions for those around them. And oftentimes their greatest failures come AFTER their BEST and BIGGEST pours. Why? Because there wasn't anyone there to pour back into them. And the enemy is just waiting to get a foothold into emptiness. 

Men give the perception that they are put together when they are empty. His emptiness impacts his focus. His focus effects his strength. His lack of strength makes him moody. 

God is limitless, but creates man with limits (needs). A need is something that you cannot fulfill yourself. But asking a man to disregard his needs is to ask him to be God. What gets in the way of a man getting his needs met?

• Expectations - As men are healing, there are still expectations of them, and those expectations are often triggering.
• Exposure - Men are careful who they expose weakness to because so many people seek the opportunity to steal and not to satisfy
• Envy - Accusations and jealously often stem from knowledge that something is lacking. When we know that something isn't right, everything becomes suspicious. 

Emptiness makes men irrational. It makes them blind to consequences. It makes things seem bigger than they are. It makes them long for the right voice, and they'll do anything to find it. It made Sampson trust Delilah (Judges 16). And even though Adam knew what he had been told, it made him weigh Eve's word over God's (Genesis 3). 

• We must do our diligence to pour into men. It starts in childhood, giving boys the opportunity to express themselves and space to communicate. Shifting the to allow for more emotion to enter the language of men BEFORE they become men.
• When a man expresses his needs, we should not mismanage that trust. A man will not allow himself that vulnerability if he cannot trust the other person to be reliable in their support. It is critical that we fulfill that role.
• We need to build men up. Think about how you talk with a boy versus how you talk with a man. A child you might say "Oh, good job!" and a man you might say "Okay - and? Is that it?" We should always think through how we're feeding our men words of affirmation and show up in our relationships armed with the right words that empower him to navigate the world feeling supported.

But how do you avoid it? If you don't get your needs met, despite asking and discussing and doing all the right things, what happens when it all falls apart? How do you avoid the fall? That's a great question, because it's inevitable. 

• You must ensure that you keep your relationship with God strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-11)
• It is said that you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with. In times of difficulty, if you keep company with people who are speaking life into your darkness, you will find the strength to make it through the tough times. If you surround yourself with people who are wise and knowledgable about your spiritual goals, they can keep you accountable to them and act as a buffer against sin. (Proverbs 13:20)

Men don't have to lead hungry, empty lives. Men can discover true satisfaction in their relationship with God and by cultivating meaningful connections with those around them. Prioritizing their own needs and seeking out supportive individuals can help men avoid the traps of emptiness and irrationality. It is important to recognize that vulnerability is a strength, and seeking help is a sign of courage, not weakness. Men who are honest about their struggles invite understanding and compassion into their lives. Equipped with the right tools and support, men can live fulfilling and purposeful lives, and make a positive impact on the world around them.